Year of Change

I'm 22.

I wanna live my life to the fullest.  I also wanna make God smile. 

Although I hope to never be continent and I want to continually strive for excellence while pushing myself past my limits...this stage of life sucks.

I want to go where God wants me. In that same breath, I want to be satisfied where he has me. I'm a worrier. I'm an over-thinker. I'm a perfectionist. 

I'm just now becoming comfortable with who I am. 
I'm a dreamer. I'm a dark person. I'm a deep thinker. I like change.  

My passions should be shinning. I wish...
I'm just now finding out what I'm interested in.
   Women's health
   Condoms
   Malaria protection
   Tea plantations 
   Non-profits 
   Homeless shelters
   Entrepreneurship 

This next year is a year of change. I will graduate, go to India(or not?), start a masters (or not?), live in a new place, get a job (or not?), ect..

I'm going to choose to live fearless and selfless. 

I'm a big dreamer and I'm not going to give up on myself. 

Bucket List

I have a journal full of bucket list idea, but here is the newest addition!

I don't have a name for it neither do I have a good plan, but here it goes.

Educating the world on tea.
Yes, many books have been written on tea
Yes, many projects have been done to stop slavery of tea workers
Yes, many movements have been made to help tea communities

But I want/see something more than that.

Picture this. (This is random idea/visions I've had)
People actually experiencing tea
Slavery of people in the tea plantations coming to a stop
It's a women's job to pluck the tea leaves
Giving women a less harsh condition of working in the fields
Okay I'm not sure where I going with all this. It's hard to put in words what I actually envisioning.

If I was to pick 25 small tea gardens around the world and begin shaping them, that would be a good start.
Using my degree of health education would be my "in".  Not sure why or what I would use it for.
I'm not even sure what the outcome of this so called movement would be. Jesus Christ hopefully.
I would love to see America become excited about experiencing tea and the knowledge you can gain from it.

Maybe I'll dream about this more later.
-Jennifer

Satisfaction

How do you enjoy something?
How do you live in the moment?
How do I learn to treasure things?
How do I stop making future plans?
How do I stop anxiety?
How can I rest in something?

How can I relax in situations?

I can't control my dreams of the future.

I could write for hours about things I want to do.

Some days are worse than others.

I'm serious I have 1,000,000,000,000 things. 

I want to go to India

I want to go to America

I want to go to China

I want to go to Afghanistan 

I want to go to Nigeria

I want to go to Somalia 

I want to finish college

I want to be more involved with henna storying awareness

I want to see I.D. Ministries continuing doing amazing work

I want to be married

I want to have children

I want to be a Missionary

I want to .............

Living in the moment is extremely hard when your a dreamer (and I'm a girl so factor that in as well) 

BUT............

I have now transitioned from being worried and stressed 

about how I have trouble of living in the moment to...

Understanding that it's okay to a certain extent. 

This is not my home. My home is not my home. My future life is not my home. 

Heaven is my home.

I'm beginning to find the balance of living in the moment and understand I was not made for this world.

Yes! Dreaming and being able to do those things will fill the holes, but spending eternity in Heaven will SATISFY. 

It seems as if I chalk things up way to much! 

So when I get "home" a nice bed nor a hamburger will satisfy

If / when I get married he will not satisfy

Finishing college will not satisfy

ect....

These are all so temporary.

So I will live in the moment and with that same breath I will understand that only Heaven truly satisfies. 

Wishy-Washy

I understand that I'm new at all this and I may still be in the "honeymoon" stage of being in India, but honestly I loved almost every bit of the month of being here. It's going by way to fast. I have around 30 weeks left. May will be here before I know it. I've made friendships that will only get stronger and make it harder for me to leave.

-I love Indian and Chinese food!
-I love Indian tea times
-I love my roommate
-I love the work they have me doing
-I love my new friends!!!
-I love getting to experience cooking in a foreign country
-I'm starting to like the smells?
-I love having new experiences in general
-I love skyping with my family
-I love the hospitality life style
-I love my weird way of getting over culture shock
-I love being pushed to find my limits
-I love feeling confident in what God wanted/wants me to do
-I love being confident in knowing I'm having an small identity crisis
-I love that I'm happy
-I love that I'm having some sort of affect on the Kingdom by being here.
ect........

This is my Home

Yes, I understand I can be wishy washy with my emotions, but hey I'm a girl, what do you expect? 97% of the time I don't want to be anywhere or be doing anything else. If it was culturally appropriate I would skip down the streets.